A Threshold

•March 19, 2016 • 5 Comments

1-DSCF1058Last Sunday I experienced something I had never felt before. I have been for more walks in my local reserve area than I can count, since living in Australia, but no walk has ever been quite like this. I rose early, and felt compelled to remain fasting, and head out for some time among the trees. Sometimes a sense of ritual is particularly helpful.

As I entered the reserve, the morning sunlight was slanting through the trees – a rich, warm gold. One has to see and appreciate Australian bush to fully grasp the loveliness of the red earth and the particular shades of green of the eucalypts. The colours are intense, and more so on a day like this, with a very blue sky overhead.1-DSC_0117 (2)

Not very far in, I became aware of a sensation that was completely new to me. I felt a warm glow starting at my feet and rising up to knee level. It was strange – like the comfort of a soft blanket. There was absolutely no logical, concrete explanation for this experience, and it seemed the place was recognising and welcoming me: the ground that knew my feet, the trees and shrubs that knew my skin cells, my hair, my breath, my microbiota – the parts of me that I exchange with the environment every time I visit.

1-DSCF1055Further along my way, as I moved slowly and wonderingly, I felt as if I was joined by other unseen beings. It had all the sense of a welcome for an important ceremony, by community where one feels utter and complete belonging and love. I don’t know who or what those presences might have been, and it didn’t really matter. I felt them there and I belonged with them, and they with me, and they brought with them an incredibly deep sense of acceptance, celebration and joy. Just before I crossed the stream, they seemed to stay behind, sending me forward on my own.

I paused at the stream. While the water was very low, it was the clearest I’d seen it in a very long time.  There was a Water Dragon up on the rocks – my Australian totem creature – an affirming sign, and at the edge of the stream I found two four-leafed clovers. Four-leafed clovers have featured strongly in my life sinc1-DSCF1268e childhood, as a sign of abundance beyond the expected. A tiny Thornbill nearby paid no mind to my presence at all, as it hopped around the branches of a shrub and paused to preen.

As I continued up the path on the other side of the stream, I became very aware of the rocks. They reminded me of the rocks at the headland at Mona Vale Beach, where the crumbling cliff has strewn an astonishing variety of different boulders on the shore below. Many contain fossils and I have always felt frustrated that I was not a geologist who could read the stories they had to tell. Now, these rocks in my local forest seemed to be inviting me to read their stories in a different way – not the scientific way, but rather in terms of their long, slow transformation and witnessing of life. They seemed to be inviting me to shift my way of seeing.

I came to a particularly large tree – an old ironbark, fire-blasted and strong. I felt this was the right place to head off the path to find a space where I would be truly alone, away from any other folk enjoying a morning walk or run. It meant a new level of awareness of my surroundings, with the very real possibility of encountering a poisonous snake. Without a path, the layers of sticks, twigs and leaf litter build up over the rocks, hiding treacherous gaps and animal hidey-holes. There were times I wondered at the sense of making this off-path effort, but I realised that nothing worthwhile comes easily. How can I ever be “of the wild” if I am not prepared to negotiate the wild and test my ability to put my feet in the right places? I found a spot where a live tree and a dead tree leant together to make a gateway – a liminal space, a place of one thing meeting another.1-DSC_0122

I spent my time there in reflection, meditation and movement, just being. The process of leaving the beaten track seemed to symbolize leaving the normal tracks of thinking and pushing into new and unknown territory. I considered nature’s values – something that had been on my mind after reading someone’s suggestion that nature had no values and didn’t care about us. Just looking around me I ticked off the values I could see: Life and death cycle of conservation- no wastage, complexity and diversity, symbiosis, inter-connectivity, mutuality, balance, sustainability, experimentation, systems behaviour, balance, cohesion, nurture…

With these thoughts I felt I had moved out of the highly intuitive space where I could read symbols on rocks, and into a more cognitive space, but bringing the reverence and perspective with me that allowed me to be both intuitive and cognitive, rather than either/or. It was a wonderful sense of bringing integration to parts of my thinking that have often seemed poles apart and irreconcilable.

1-DSC_0143I had meant to spend only the morning there, but by the time I left it was late afternoon. I had lost all sense of time. I left slowly, contemplating this amazing experience and feeling I had in
deed crossed a line. I no longer felt like an imposter, stepping off the path into forest that had not felt human feet for a very long time. Rather, I felt welcomed and I belonged there, because I am part of nature, sprung from Earth, made of her, breathing
with her, constantly exchanging myself with the rest of her and here as her guardian.

2016- and moving forward

•January 2, 2016 • Leave a Comment

Happy New Year!

It is now over a year since I posted anything on this blog, but that’s fine. I created this space to explore calling and vocation, and sometimes that is what a pause is about too. Coming back is a gift, for as I reread my last post, back on October of 2014, it ties in perfectly with where I am now, a year and three months later.

Last year, 2015, was strange, exciting and boundary-pushing. My pause in blogging coincides with taking on the task of standing for the Greens in the New South Wales State election. It was not comfortable or easy for me doing something like that, but the opportunity arose and it felt meaningful to stand in that gap and represent the green-minded people in an area that is very conservative and capitalist.

I had the opportunity to go to Townsville and grade in my school of Japanese swordsmanship, Nakamura Ryu Battodo, so finally have my sho dan (black belt).

In May, after the State Elections, I needed to retreat back into my comfort zone, but I was also left feeling “what now-ish” after all the energy spent trying to engage with people and get my message out to the community. How was I to build on that experience? I found myself struggling with the rage and grief around our failure to work meaningfully to end our dependence on fossil fuels, but recognised that despair is not a solution.

So, I made a list of all the things that mattered most to me and found pictures, and ended up creating a vision board for myself. It focussed on the best kind of future for our planet that I could wish for. I worked out an acronym using EARTH – Envisioning Abundant Renewable Transforming Healing….and added “for our planet”, and created a Facebook page, EARTH Thriving – where I could post all the good news: every article and interest story and meme telling us about people doing the right things to move towards sustainability and healing.

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Over the next few months I found myself returning again and again to the same theme: how to shift our relationship with the planet – psychologically. On the 21st of October 2015, I have a journal entry where I grilled myself about my nebulous sea of “what” – this human/planetary/environmental nexus that I didn’t know what to do with, but has me so entranced. I was looking for the “base thing” that could be a launch point, as suggested by a dear friend, Janette Dalgliesh. That date is intriguingly noteworthy. I decided there must be something that connected ecology and psychology so googled “eco-psychology” to see if it existed. Bingo! The 23rd of October 2015 marks the date in my journaling where I acknowledged I’d found my “One Thing”

Yes, I would love to study and get an appropriate qualification, however that might not be possible – yet – so I am reading and educating myself. More books are ordered, websites bookmarked, and I’ve started a blog especially for this: EarthThriving.org – still in its infancy as I feel my way forward with baby steps.

Now, at the age of fifty, I finally know my life’s purpose. It is all about connection – ours to Gaia – our planetary environment, our interdependence on and relationship with the exquisite network of life, which is what ties in so perfectly with my last blog entry exactly a year before: Connected.

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Connected

•October 21, 2014 • 3 Comments

A couple of weeks ago I found myself standing on the rocks at the beach – low tide.  My parents, hubby and I had just enjoyed a lovely lunch out to celebrate birthdays in August, September and October.  My parents can seldom resist an opportunity to sit and watch the sea, so we’d made our postprandial way beachwards, and here I was – rock-hopping – unable to sit still after sitting in the restaurant.

The ocean was its very best shade of deep blue and aqua, the sun gently warm, and I basked in it, relishing the rough rock under my feet, the delight of skuttling crabs at the fishing edge, anemones hiding in clefts, little fish temporarily trapped ’til the return of the tide, the salty breeze. I felt tears prick at the sheer pleasure of being. How can anyone not love this planet?

This  underpins everything for me – this sense of connectedness, this awareness of how I am part of this little green, blue and red spinning globe. It’s no accident that I feel compelled to greet and talk to every bird, animal, fish and insect I cross paths with. They are as much a part of this place as I am, interdependent, they speak other languages, have other perspectives, ways of being, sorts of consciousness, but we share the will to live, to be, to create. In this business of life, we are very deeply connected.
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The Blessing

•March 31, 2014 • Leave a Comment

It was a small thing. All I did was to retrieve a couple of fallen teaspoons.

My youngest son and I had stopped at the mall between my dropping him home and then heading out for work. We were both stressed after his session at the orthodontist. No-one exactly likes things stuck in their mouths. Anyone who has ever had a mould taken of their teeth for a crown or orthodontic work will understand our traumatised states. Now include his Autism Spectrum Disorder to begin to grasp his increased sensitivity and panic, and my feeling plain awful for putting him through it all. I let him range up and down the mall, letting off his tension energy, while I queued to buy him a sausage roll and milkshake for lunch.

I had paid and was waiting for the sausage roll to be warmed when I heard the tinkle of falling cutlery. I saw an elderly woman bend to try and retrieve the teaspoons, but she was unable to reach them. I quickly moved over and picked up the spoons, just as her husband got up. I beat him to it. He thanked me in thickly accented English.

“Good look,” he declared with his very few words. “Good look…..Monday, Tuesday…Friday…” (numbering his fingers) ”…Good look.”

I smiled and said it was nothing, hurrying back to wait for the food. What on earth did he mean? At first I wondered if my rear end as I bent over was the “good look”. Not likely with my figure. Then I wondered if he was trying to tell me I was good looking every day of the week.

The words shifted, rearranging themselves in my mind, according to the accent. Good look…..Good luk….. Good luck! As the meaning clicked into place I felt the magic curling around my hearing, my receiving, my understanding. Good luck every day of the week! Good luck from the old folk of the old ways; a blessing thick with import like real cream in old, sweet recipes; a wish filled with talismans, old as memory and dripping in stories. Good luck every day of the week.

I felt it wrap around me and hold me. It meant so much.

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Four-leaved Magic!

•September 9, 2013 • 4 Comments

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Moss Garden

 Unrelated coincidence? Deliberate creation? I am well aware of the nuances, however, where’s there’s magic, there’s a story.

Back in February of this year, I had a car accident that was my fault, in which I wrote off both my car and the one I hit. At the time, the very first thing I focussed on was blessings and positive outcomes for all. The harsh lesson in it, for me, was that I had failed to grasp some of the finer details of insurance, and thus wasn’t covered for damage to a third party vehicle.

A month later, the letter from the other driver’s insurance company arrived, informing me that I was required to pay $36 400. To put that in perspective, at the current exchange rate, that equates to about R336 500. Back in South Africa in about 2002 we bought a three-bed-roomed house for R210 000. This sum of money, that I now owed an insurance company, amounted to the biggest financial debt I’d ever faced!

Every day, as I walked to and from the bus stop, I imagined streams of abundance and blessing over the situation. I schooled my mind, as far as I was able, away from the anxiety and inner conversations, and instead conjured images of overcoming obstacles and taming dragons. Finally, by the 19th of June (recorded in my journal), I realised it was time to choose a best possible outcome. I had exhausted the options. There was no way I could pay off that amount on my income, with my family commitments. I decided the best thing for all of us would be to have the whole thing waived – made to vanish. I could have opted for that earlier, but I wanted to be sure I was doing the right thing. Trying to wriggle out of a situation that was my fault, and avoid the consequences, was not my first choice. Seeking a waiver had to be my ONLY choice, a choice that meant that my family would not have to pay a price for my mistakes.

The next morning I followed some useful links kindly provided by my brother, and ended up speaking to a helpful young man at the Consumer Legal and Credit Centre.  I asked if it was worth pursuing a waiver. He requested extra information and said he’d phone back. Half an hour later, I was thrilled as he said not only that it was worth a try, but he’d pursue the waiver on my behalf!

I was entranced by the speed with which help had followed my choice of a specific outcome. On one of my walks I decided that when I found a four-leaf clover outside our home, on our side of the footpath, I’d know it heralded good news. Four-leaf clovers have been my symbol of “abundance-beyond-the-expected” for over twenty years, now. What is more, it was a safe option. I had found a four-leaf clover on the opposite side of the footpath, last year, so I knew it wasn’t an impossible sign. (My mother shakes her head and mutters about fairy blood every time I find yet another four-leaf clover – or several at a time)

The days went by. The clover flourished (along with the other weeds) and, despite keeping a look-out,  there wasn’t a single four-leafer to be found. Eventually, my husband and his friend did some work on the garden, and when I arrived home the clover was gone. I bought a second-hand car with the money I got back after doing my tax return, and the days drifted on into spring.

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The four-leaf Oxalis on Thursday 5th September 2013, tender-green and new.

Then, last Thursday morning I happened to check my little moss garden to see if it needed water. Oxalis (sorrel) has grown along with other seeds that came with the moss I’d collected at the side of the house – ordinary three-leaved Oxalis – except – one had grown a fourth leaf! I was astounded. Four-leafed Oxalis growing on a three-leaved plant is far less common than finding four-leaf clovers. (Please note, this is not to be confused with the Oxalis Tetrafolia which naturally grows four leaves.) I went off to an appointment, and when I returned home the fourth leaf seemed a little larger, closer to the size of the other three leaves on that stalk.

The telephone rang. It was my knight in shining armour from the Consumer Credit and Legal Centre.  He was the bearer of good news, he told me. Both the insurance company and the collection house had agreed not to pursue the matter of the money I owed. We were home and dry!

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tender green

Now the deeper green of maturity

It’s Simple

•August 24, 2013 • 1 Comment

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Regardless of what is, or isn’t, happening in the rest of the world, the magnolias are looking beautiful. No matter what challenges the natural world faces, nature keeps on doing what it does until the moment it can no longer, and then it does something new, or different, or it turns a page in history.

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No matter what may be happening in any part of the world, I still have my part to play in blooming and learning, growing spiritually and being all that I am meant to be.

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Three times three petals in pristine white tell me it’s simple: don’t focus on all the apparent “impossibilities”, just focus on being what you are, fully and completely.

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That is the best gift anyone can give to the world.

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shades of the sea!

•August 3, 2013 • 2 Comments

My son reviewed my first self-published book, which is available for sale on Amazon.com and CreateSpace

I originally announced the book here: What’s your Favourite Colour?

shades of the sea!.

 
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